The Mama‘s Boy Quiz

Are you, or is someone you know, a mama’s boy? Take this quiz to find out and keep reading to discover what it means and what to do about it!

Do you have an ever-present sense of inadequacy as a man?

Do you believe you are ineffectual in your role as a husband or as a romantic partner?

Do you believe you are ineffectual in your role as a father?

Do you believe you are inadequate as a provider for your family?

Do you have persistent problems in your relationships at home, at work, or with friends?

Are you unable to make decisions that benefit others or even yourself?

Is procrastination, rather than being a means to a creative end, a real problem at home, work, and in social situations?

Are you incapable of imagining fulfilling your life’s purpose?

Do you feel like a failure on a daily basis?

Do you experience rage and frequent outbursts of anger?

Do you express aggression toward women or children?

Do you bully people?

Do you engage in daredevil behavior, taking unnecessary risks?

Are you promiscuous?

Are you chauvinistic or patronizing in your behavior or attitude toward women, children, or men you believe to be inferior to you?

Are you unable to have a friendship with a man or woman because you cannot refrain from being competitive?

Does your wife or romantic partner “mother” you?

Does your wife or romantic partner chronically second-guess your decisions and choices?

Does your wife or romantic partner feel free to correct you in public in ways that are embarrassing?

Does your wife or romantic partner frequently pick lint off your clothes or in other ways “clean you off”?

Does your wife or romantic partner monitor your conversations?

Does your wife or romantic partner frequently take care of things on your behalf that you could do yourself?

Do you feel driven to submission on a regular basis by your wife or romantic partner?

Does your wife or romantic partner always try to put your needs and desires first?

Is your wife or romantic partner your “sex slave”?

Do you treat your wife or romantic partner like a servant?

Does your wife or romantic partner have affairs?

Does your mother ask you to do things for her that she should ask her husband to do for her and that he is capable of doing (such as chores around the house or getting the car serviced, etc.)?

Does your mother come to you, rather than to her husband, for solace, encouragement, comfort, or support?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are you are a mama’s boy. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions in regards to your husband or romantic partner, chances are he is a mama’s boy.

Mama’s boys, either by pulling on or pushing against the women in their lives, believe they get their power from the women in their lives. The phenomenon is birthed within the family.

There are men who, for a number of reasons, never get the opportunity to leave the sphere of influence of their mothers in order to enter the sphere of influence of their fathers. For some it is because their fathers were either physically or emotionally not present. For others it is because their fathers were themselves mama’s boys and allowed their sons to remain in the influence of their mothers. Whatever reason, a man becomes a mama’s boy because he wasn’t issued the invitation to enter his father’s sphere of influence.

Some mama’s boys grow up to be very masculine, very macho. Some grow up to be rather soft males who are very nurturing of the women and children in their lives. Others grow up to express their masculinity somewhere in between those two extremes. If you had not taken the quiz first, you might ask, “So, what’s the problem?” The problem lies in a man’s ability to sustain healthy relationships, beginning with his relationship with his spouse or romantic partner.

Little boys begin life under the protective wings of their mothers. There they, ideally, find life to be safe and secure. As they grow, they reach out for independence. At this time, mom can become a nuisance, a helpmate, a jailer, or a comrade to her little man. Between the two of them, he learns whether pushing against or pulling on her will get him what he wants: freedom!

Ideally, during the pre-teen and early teenage years, a boy’s father invites him to leave the sphere of influence of his mother, where life feels relatively safe, and enter the sphere of influence of the father. In the father’s sphere of influence, life may be experienced as more dangerous. For instance, fathers traditionally have higher expectations and are more demanding than mothers are. However, in the father’s sphere of influence, the son gets the opportunity to experience himself as a man in the company of men. He gets to discover that his power as a man comes from within and that is the greatest freedom of all.

When a boy never leaves the sphere of influence of his mother, he comes to believe that his power comes from outside himself, from her. As a man, he projects that belief onto the women in his life and it leads to unhappiness, resentment, even rage or wrath. It can lead to serious co-dependency where a man believes that life is “normal” only when there is tension and power struggle at home.

The tragedy is that for many mamas’ boys, their relationships begin with a great deal of passion, chemistry, joy and love. It is when the relationship reaches a certain level of commitment that the issue of being a mama’s boy challenges the relationship. So, what is a mama’s boy to do?

Remember this: men express their masculinity with women but they refresh it with other men. The mama’s boy needs to do two things. First, he needs to practice not pulling on and not pushing against his woman. This alone frees her up to be his lover rather than his mother! Secondly, he needs to spend time in the company of other men, relaxed and free to be himself.

One caveat: when you practice not pulling on or pushing against your woman, it will shake up the relationship to the degree that you have become co-dependent with one another. She may not seem grateful to be treated like your lover instead of your mother! If you are a mama’s boy then she is likely a daddy’s girl and the dance you do together as a result is rather intricate. Learning new steps means untangling the old ones. Be patient, the pay off is well worth it.

Encourage her to quit treating you like a little boy. Encourage her to treat you like a man. Show up as a man and give her the opportunity to relax into her femininity. And watch the power struggles give way to more love, better passion, and greater satisfaction!